Monday, January 30, 2017

If I Succeed, Will I Have to Sacrifice My First Born Child?

Do you have invisibilitis? 

In case you aren't familiar with the disease, it is a debilitating condition that renders the afflicted weakened and benign, often afraid to shine too brightly or sing too loudly.  Just for the record, I have a slight case of invisibilitis....

Okay, I might have made the word up, so don't go pestering Google. You probably won't find anything. 

The condition flares up, like a bad case of diarrhea, whenever I threaten to do something truly magnificent. Invisibilitis manifests itself as the deep, irrational fear that IF I succeed (for example, my novel is a hit), THEN something equally awful will happen (one of my children will be picked off by the imaginary vultures in the sky, or I'll get cancer).
It's the self-sabotaging voice in my head that tries to discourage me from taking big (or small) creative risks. It's the same whisper in my head that told me not to raise my hand in class, for fear of being wrong.  It’s the same all-knowing hiss in my ear that warned me not to try out for the class play, audition for the spot on the dance team, or strike up conversation with the popular kids in class.

I'm not sure why I've listened to this voice, this illogical spook that has convinced me to stay small and quiet. I've believed that by being myself, in my full color and texture, I would draw the attention of all of the "bad things". That somehow, there are eyes above, just watching for signs of movement to toy with.

The past few days, more fearful thoughts than normal have been gripping my heart. After a good long stretch of seriously positive vibes rolling off of me, I was wondering why now? Why the paranoia? Then it hit me like a freight train! I'm onto something really big! I'm singing louder than I ever have before!

Not only have I finished the novel that I’ve labored over for years, I’ve had a great reception from my beta readers AND I’ve finished my edit. Plus, I am now in the process of building a social media following for my book! Yeah, baby! I’m building momentum! People actually want to read my little book, and they are asking to reserve their copy. It’s getting serious! Which means this might really happen. 

I might do exactly what I set out to do! Whaaa.....????

Okay. Now I completely understand the reason for the flare up. 

The remedy is simple enough. A high dose of positive thoughts (enough to dilute the fearful, negative ones) is what the mind-doctor orders. I’ll pull out my Napoleon Hill, Anthony Robbins, and Jack Canfield recordings and flood my mind.

Do you struggle with Invisibilitis or some other debilitating disease of the mind that holds you back from realizing your dreams? How do you combat stinking thinking? I’d love to hear about your experiences and solutions!

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