Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Am I a DIY Fraud?

Photo credit to Caylie Harris -
Taken of me at my favorite
thinking spot - next to my
writing desk
Because my novel is in a holding pattern, and I have a little down time, I was looking over the history of my little blog. 

Wow! I was all over the place! It's interesting to look through the posts and remember my excitement to share an idea or "how-to". And frankly, I'm a little intimidated by my former self! 

"Former Me" made her own laundry detergent, dishwasher detergent, egg noodles, sour dough breadnon-toxic cleaning solution and she grew huge gardens!

Fast forward to present day - I still grow a garden, but I'm completely hooked on Finish brand dishwasher detergent, we almost never eat bread, my pasta maker hasn't been out of the cabinet in over a year, and Mr. Clean Gain Scent is my spirit animal. I should be ashamed. 

I've realized that I'm a conqueror. For me, the challenge of learning a skill is more exciting than continuing to practice the skill. I love to know HOW to do things, love to know HOW things work. But to continue to do those things day in and day out? Hmmm....not so much.

I fantasize about being completely self-sufficient. I'd like to think the skills and knowledge that I'm collecting would sustain me during hard times. Certainly, during really tight financial times, I've been thankful that I know how to make homemade bread, egg noodles, and cleaning products.  

However, in the red-blooded world of ingenuity and sustainability, I'm a bit of a poser.  I have complete admiration for people like Starry Hilder, a YouTuber who actually lives off the grid. They are really doing it - living the life of independence from the system, just like modern day pioneers. The Starry Hilders of this world are the folks I go to first when I need survival information. The knowledge offered by their ilk makes my do-it-yourself post on getting rid of acne scars seem kind of...lame?

Perhaps I'll always be a dabbler. Maybe my purpose in life isn't so much to master any one thing, rather to learn a little about many things. 

My tendency to be fascinated with many different things fills my head with annoying, random facts. 

It's also the quality that spurs my love of creating and writing. I'm beginning to accept that I'm not exactly the person that I'd hoped to be. As I'm pushing away my self-imposed expectations (which I'm failing to meet anyway), I'm finding that more room exists for the authentic me to shine. I'm learning to forgive myself for changing my mind, for changing my goals

And most of all, I'm learning to ignore the judgmental voice of that over-achieving former "me". 

What ideals do you hold about yourself that might not be fitting for the "you" of today? Have you reached a point in your journey in which you realized that the former "you" no longer reflected your true self? If so, how did you say goodbye to your old goals, dreams and images that you held for yourself?

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